Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
