whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
