Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
