everyone is single if you try hard enough
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
