I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
