I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
