apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
