I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
