singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
