I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
