Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How does one acquire holy water?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
