garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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