he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
