she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
