morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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