btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
