I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
