drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
