It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
