Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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