my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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