Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
