It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
