I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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