I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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