You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
