I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
