I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
