maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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