so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I need moral support for this bender
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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