Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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