Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
