i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
