the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
