So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
