it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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