Duck Duck Cougar?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
