when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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