normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
