yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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