marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
