No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
