he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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