I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
