You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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