I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
