If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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