When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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