I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
