People with herpes should wear stickers.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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