I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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