this beer tastes like vomit already
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
