How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
