He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
