oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
