Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
